I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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