he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
