Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
