smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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