If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize