Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
