both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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