Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
