Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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