Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
