my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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