I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
