I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
