I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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