This is not my ceiling
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
