I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He better not be in your backpack
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
