Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm getting married
To pizza
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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