I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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