I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
