I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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