Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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