I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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