wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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