did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
