3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
