He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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