Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
are you so shy because you have an std?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
