the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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