mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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