sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize