I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
