theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
tell me about the eggs
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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