dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
