WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
