My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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