I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
