if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
