I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.