he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house