if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
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Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...