he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
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How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.