Texts From Last Night

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  (406): View more from Montana

  The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.

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  (406): The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots. http://tfl.nu/c5g4
  Replies (10) Good night (2048) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.

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  (304): I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine. http://tfl.nu/cm6i
  Replies (49) Good night (640) Bad night (6121) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.

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  (847): sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant. http://tfl.nu/gemh
  Replies (15) Good night (857) Bad night (5776) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.

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  (702): i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again. http://tfl.nu/kiui
  Replies (23) Good night (5804) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.

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  (407): I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule. http://tfl.nu/aidv
  Replies (6) Good night (2488) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?

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  (714): I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him? http://tfl.nu/ybyr
  Replies (18) Good night (3696) Bad night (1181) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?

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  (717): RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea? http://tfl.nu/y40i
  Replies (46) Good night (1272) Bad night (7598) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night

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  (913): the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night http://tfl.nu/dx83
  Replies (27) Good night (4890) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.

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  (202): He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like. http://tfl.nu/n0vb
  Replies (6) Good night (3029) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
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  (432): View more from Texas

  the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel

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  (432): the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel http://tfl.nu/t4be
  Replies (18) Good night (3377) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea

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  (206): riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea http://tfl.nu/w3tl
  Replies (4) Good night (1520) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night

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  (650): Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night http://tfl.nu/338b
  Replies (9) Good night (1368) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul

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  (218): I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul http://tfl.nu/2csp
  Replies (3) Good night (507) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like

  (972): View more from Texas

  Why do you text me weird shit like this?

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  (214): True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like (972): Why do you text me weird shit like this? http://tfl.nu/hcc5
  Replies (5) Good night (948) Bad night (248)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation

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  (+27): Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation http://tfl.nu/ycpp
  Replies (9) Good night (521) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt

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