he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish you could order shots online.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check