I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.