Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
