I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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