she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
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Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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