I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize