guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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