If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
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I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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