my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
