note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
