Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
