I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You are a genius and a whore.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
