So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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