Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
