its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
