you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
