I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
