I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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