Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
