i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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