READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
