I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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