Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
