OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
