I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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