Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
