when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
my liver is dry heaving
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
