Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
