Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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