this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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