That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
