mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
