she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Randomize
